Romantic Relationships Are Tools For Change

Relationships often start great. Only the best attributes of each partner are seen. There are tons of things to talk about and get to know one another. We have not fully met the person for who they are yet, and all seems to be going right.

It is when we've been with someone for a couple of years that the fantasy of only seeing the good starts to fall away. We see how both parties are human and have faults. We start to notice things about the other that really get on our nerves. If you get married and start living together, then you really see each other's true form.

The relationship usually goes for a tailspin, and it feels as if we start all over again, but this time with the true, raw version of each other. This is usually where a lot of people call it quits because the difference of who they thought they were with and who they really are is too great.

What we don't realize is that while we are judging the other and wishing for things to change, our significant other is doing the same thing with our mannerisms and ticks. It is just as difficult for them to acclimate to the change as it is for us. This is where true unity will either shine or division will separate and destroy.

Can we learn to accept the other for who they are and look past what doesn't serve us? Can we continue to see the good in each other in the midst of adversity? Of course, there are exceptions, I'm not saying stay with someone who is abusing you physically, mentally, or spiritually.

What I have grown to notice in my own relationships is that most of the things We judge them about are really a mirror showing me my own reflection. We can only see things that we carry definitions of within ourselves. You wouldn't know to call the color pink by its name if you weren't taught what pink is. The word "pink" wouldn't even exist in your psyche. The same thing goes for someone else's faults. If you see it in another chance is you are harboring similar traits and problems. 

Use the triggers of your partner and even the world as cues to introspect within yourself and find why you are being triggered. You are holding onto a past memory or pain that inflames whenever something of that nature occurs. Healing happens when you are no longer triggered by that circumstance because you have transcended it.

Each dilemma can be used as building blocks for strength and higher wisdom or as bricks to smash yourself over the head with and become weaker and victimized. Use the world as compost to nourish your inner garden back to health and beauty. 

Stop indulging in misery and wishing the world or your relationship to be different. Take matters into your own hands by shifting your attitude and perception of what is in front of you.

5 ways to do this, taking accountability and shift your attitude and perception of your relationship in your own hands are:

1. Communicate openly and honestly: Instead of assuming or expecting your partner to know your needs and desires, take the initiative to communicate openly about your wants, concerns, and boundaries. This helps to establish a strong foundation of trust and understanding.

2. Take responsibility for your actions: Acknowledge that you have a role to play in the dynamic of your relationship. Take accountability for your behavior and the impact it has on your partner. This means recognizing when you have made a mistake and actively working on personal growth and self-improvement.

3. Show empathy and understanding: Shift your perspective by actively trying to understand your partner's perspective and emotions. Instead of only focusing on your own needs, make an effort to listen to their concerns and support them with empathy. This can foster a sense of unity and collaboration.

4. Engage in problem-solving together: Rather than waiting for your partner to solve issues or address concerns, take the lead in finding solutions together. Propose ideas, listen to their input, and work together to come up with mutually beneficial resolutions.

5. Prioritize self-care and self-love: Recognize that you are responsible for your own happiness and well-being. By taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally, you become better equipped to contribute positively to your relationship. This includes setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and engaging in activities that support your personal growth and happiness.